Today’s reading, Autumn Remembrance, was written by Shi Tiesheng in 1981 and describes a paralyzed young man’s slow, painful realization, only after her death, that his mother had been quietly dying of cancer while absorbing his rage and dedicating her final years entirely to keeping him alive.
双腿瘫痪后，我的脾气变得暴怒无常。望着望着天上北归的雁阵，我会突然把面前的玻璃砸碎；听着听着李谷一甜美的歌声，我会猛地把手边的东西摔向四周的墙壁。母亲就悄悄地躲出去，在我看不见的地方偷偷地听着我的动静。当一切恢复沉寂，她又悄悄地进来，眼边儿红红的，看着我。“听说北海的花都开了，我推着你去走走。”她总是这么说。母亲喜欢花，可自从我的腿瘫痪后，她侍弄的那些花都死了。“不，我不去！”我狠命地捶打这两条可恨的腿，喊着，“我可活什么劲儿！”母亲扑过来抓住我的手，忍住哭声说：“咱娘儿俩在一块儿，好好儿活，好好儿活……”
可我却一直都不知道，她的病已经到了那步田地。后来妹妹告诉我，她常常肝疼得整宿整宿翻来覆去地睡不了觉。
那天我又独自坐在屋里，看着窗外的树叶“唰唰啦啦”地飘落。母亲进来了，挡在窗前：“北海的菊花开了，我推着你去看看吧。”她憔悴的脸上现出央求般的神色。“什么时候？”“你要是愿意，就明天？”她说。我的回答已经让她喜出望外了。“好吧，就明天。”我说。她高兴得一会儿坐下，一会儿站起：“那就赶紧准备准备。”“哎呀，烦不烦？几步路，有什么好准备的！”她也笑了，坐在我身边，絮絮叨叨地说着：“看完菊花，咱们就去‘仿膳’，你小时候最爱吃那儿的豌豆黄儿。还记得那回我带你去北海吗？你偏说那杨树花是毛毛虫，跑着，一脚踩扁一个……”她忽然不说了。对于“跑”和“踩”一类的字眼儿，她比我还敏感。她又悄悄地出去了。
她出去了，就再也没回来。
邻居们把她抬上车时，她还在大口大口地吐着鲜血。我没想到她已经病成那样。看着三轮车远去，也绝没有想到那竟是永远的诀别。
邻居的小伙子背着我去看她的时候，她正艰难地呼吸着，像她那一生艰难的生活。别人告诉我，她昏迷前的最后一句话是：“我那个有病的儿子和我那个还未成年的女儿……”
又是秋天，妹妹推着我去北海看了菊花。黄色的花淡雅，白色的花高洁，紫红色的花热烈而深沉，泼泼洒洒，秋风中正开得烂漫。我懂得母亲没有说完的话。妹妹也懂。我俩在一块儿，要好好儿活……
Hover a word for its pinyin & meaning; click to pin it.
| Word | Pinyin | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 瘫痪 | tān huàn | paralysis; to be paralyzed |
| 暴怒无常 | bào nù wú cháng | violently unpredictable temper |
| 悄悄 | qiāo qiāo | quietly; softly |
| 侍弄 | shì nòng | to tend (plants); to look after |
| 憔悴 | qiáo cuì | haggard; gaunt; worn out |
| 央求 | yāng qiú | to plead; to beg |
| 喜出望外 | xǐ chū wàng wài | overjoyed beyond expectation |
| 絮絮叨叨 | xù xù dāo dāo | to chatter on and on; long-winded |
| 诀别 | jué bié | final farewell; parting forever |
| 昏迷 | hūn mí | to be unconscious; coma |
| 双腿 | shuāng tuǐ | legs; both legs; two legs |
| 后 | Hòu | surname Hou; back; behind; rear; afterwards; after; later; post- |
| 我 | wǒ | I; me; my |
| 的 | de | of; ~'s (possessive particle); (used after an attribute when it modifies a noun); (used at the end of a declarative sentence for emphasis); (used after a noun, verb or adjective to… |
| 脾 | pī | spleen |
| 气 | qì | gas; air; smell; weather; to make angry; to annoy; to get angry; vital energy; qi |
| 变得 | biàn de | to become |
| 望 | wàng | full moon; to hope; to expect; to visit; to gaze (into the distance); to look towards; towards; 15th day of month (lunar calendar); old variant of 望[wang4] |
| 着 | zhāo | variant of 著|着[zhao1]; a move in chess (Taiwan pr. [zhuo2]); trick; tactic; (dialect) okay; all right; (dialect) to put in; to add |
| 天上 | tiān shàng | the sky; the heavens |
| 北 | běi | north; (classical) to be defeated |
| 归 | Guī | surname Gui |
| 雁 | yàn | wild goose; variant of 雁[yan4] |
| 阵 | zhèn | disposition of troops; wave; spate; burst; spell; short period of time; classifier for events or states of short duration |
| 会 | huì | can; to have the skill; to know how to; to be likely to; to be sure to; to meet; to get together; meeting; gathering; (suffix) union; group; association; (bound form) a moment (Tai… |
| 突然 | tū rán | sudden; abrupt; unexpected |
| 把 | bǎ | to hold; to grasp; to hold a baby in position to help it urinate or defecate; handlebar; classifier: handful, bundle, bunch; classifier for things with handles; (used to put the ob… |
| 面前 | miàn qián | in front of; facing; (in the) presence (of) |
| 玻 | bo | see 玻璃[bo1 li5] |
| 璃 | lī | (phonetic character used in transliteration of foreign names) |
| 砸 | zā | to smash; to fail; to bungle |
| 碎 | suì | (transitive or intransitive) to break into pieces; to shatter; to crumble; broken; fragmentary; scattered; garrulous |
| 听 | yǐn | smile (archaic); to listen to; to hear; to heed; to obey; a can (loanword from English "tin"); classifier for canned beverages; to let be; to allow (Taiwan pr. [ting4]); (literary) to administer; t… |
| 李 | lí | plum; surname Li |
| 谷 | gǔ | grain; corn; surname Gu |
| 一 | yī | one; single; a (article); as soon as; entire; whole; all; throughout; "one" radical in Chinese characters (Kangxi radical 1); also pr. [yao1] for greater clarity when spelling out … |
| 甜美 | tián měi | sweet; pleasant; happy |
| 歌声 | gē shēng | singing voice; fig. original voice of a poet |
| 猛地 | měng de | suddenly |
| 把手 | bǎ shǒu | to shake hands |
| 边 | biān | side; edge; margin; border; boundary; CL:個|个[ge4]; simultaneously |
| 东 | Dōng | surname Dong |
| 西 | Xī | the West; abbr. for Spain 西班牙[Xi1 ban1 ya2]; Spanish |
| 摔 | shuai | to throw down; to drop and break |
| 向 | Xiàng | surname Xiang; to tend toward; to guide; variant of 向[xiang4]; variant of 向[xiang4]; direction; orientation; to face; to turn toward; to; towards; shortly before; formerly |
| 四周 | sì zhōu | all around |
| 墙 | qiáng | variant of 牆|墙[qiang2]; wall (CL:面[mian4],堵[du3]); (slang) to block (a website) (usu. in the passive: 被牆|被墙[bei4 qiang2]) |
| 壁 | bǐ | wall |
| 母亲 | mǔ qīn | mother |
| 就 | jìu | (after a suppositional clause) in that case; then; (after a clause of action) as soon as; immediately after; (same as 就是[jiu4 shi4]) merely; nothing else but; simply; just; precise… |
| 地 | de | -ly; structural particle: used before a verb or adjective, linking it to preceding modifying adverbial adjunct |
| 躲 | duǒ | to hide; to dodge; to avoid |
| 出去 | chū qù | to go out |
| 在 | zài | to exist; to be alive; (of sb or sth) to be (located) at; (used before a verb to indicate an action in progress) |
| 看不见 | kàn bu jiàn | cannot see; cannot be seen; invisible |
| 地方 | dì fāng | region; regional (away from the central administration); local |
| 偷 | tou | to steal; to snatch; stealthily |
| 动静 | dòng jìng | (detectable) movement; (sign of) activity; movement and stillness |
| 当 | dāng | (onom.) dong; ding dong (bell); to be; to act as; manage; withstand; when; during; ought; should; match equally; equal; same; obstruct; just at (a time or place); on the spot; right; just at |
| 一切 | yī qiè | everything; every; all |
| 恢 | hui | (bound form) vast; expansive |
| 复 | fù | to go and return; to return; to resume; to return to a normal or original state; to repeat; again; to recover; to restore; to turn over; to reply; to answer; to reply to a letter; …; to repeat; to double; to overlap; complex (not simple); compound; composite; double; diplo-; duplicate; overlapping; to duplicate; variant of 復|复[fu4]; to reply to a letter |
| 沉 | chēn | to sink; heavy; deep; to immerse; to keep down |
| 寂 | jǐ | silent; Taiwan pr. [ji2] |
| 她 | tā | she |
| 又 | yòu | (once) again; also; both... and...; and yet; (used for emphasis) anyway |
| 进 | jìn | to go forward; to advance; to go in; to enter; to put in; to submit; to take in; to admit; (math.) base of a number system; classifier for sections in a building or residential com… |
| 来 | lái | to come; (used as a substitute for a more specific verb); hither (directional complement for motion toward the speaker, as in 回來|回来[hui2 lai5]); ever since (as in 自古以來|自古以来[zi4 gu3… |
| 眼 | yǎn | eye (CL:隻|只[zhi1],雙|双[shuang1]); (often used with 一[yi1]) a look; a glance; small hole; (bound form) salient point; classifier for wells, cave-dwellings etc |
| 边儿 | biān r | side; edge; margin; border; boundary; proximity; thread (of ideas, plots etc); see also 邊|边[bian1] |
| 红 | Hóng | surname Hong |
| 看 | kān | to look after; to take care of; to watch; to guard |
| 听说 | tīng shuō | to hear (sth said); one hears (that); hearsay; listening and speaking |
| 北海 | Běi Hǎi | North Sea (in Europe); historical name for several bodies of water, including Lake Baikal 貝加爾湖|贝加尔湖[Bei4 jia1 er3 Hu2], Russia |
| 花都 | Huā dū | see 花都區|花都区[Hua1 du1 Qu1]; alternative name for Paris |
| 开 | kāi | to open (transitive or intransitive); (of ships, vehicles, troops etc) to start; to turn on; to put in operation; to operate; to run; to boil; to write out (a prescription, check, … |
| 了 | le | (completed action marker); (modal particle indicating change of state, situation now); (modal particle intensifying preceding clause); (bound form) clear in one's mind; to understand clearly |
| 推 | tuī | to push; to cut; to refuse; to reject; to decline; to shirk (responsibility); to put off; to delay; to push forward; to nominate; to elect; massage |
| 你 | nǐ | you (informal, as opposed to courteous 您[nin2]); you (Note: In Taiwan, 妳 is used to address females, but in mainland China, it is not commonly used. Instead, 你 is used to address both males and females.) |
| 去 | qù | to go; to go to (a place); (of a time etc) last; just passed; to send; to remove; to get rid of; to reduce; to be apart from in space or time; to die (euphemism); to play (a part);… |
| 走 | zǒu | to walk; to go; to run; to move (of vehicle); to visit; to leave; to go away; to die (euph.); from; through; away (in compound verbs, such as 撤走[che4 zou3]); to change (shape, form… |
| 总 | zǒng | (bound form) general; overall; to sum up; in every case; always; invariably; anyway; after all; eventually; sooner or later; surely; (after a person's name) abbr. for 總經理|总经理[zong3… |
| 是 | shì | to be (followed by substantives only); correct; right; true; (respectful acknowledgement of a command) very well; (adverb for emphatic assertion); variant of 是[shi4] |
| 这么 | zhè me | so much; this much; how much?; this way; like this |
| 说 | shuì | to persuade; variant of 說|说[shuo1] |
| 喜欢 | xǐ huan | to like; to be fond of |
| 花 | Huā | surname Hua; old variant of 花[hua1]; variant of 花[hua1]; flower; blossom; also pr. [wei3] |
| 可 | kě | (prefix) can; may; able to; -able; to approve; to permit; to suit; (particle used for emphasis) certainly; very; but; however |
| 自从 | zì cóng | since (a time); ever since |
| 腿 | tuǐ | leg; CL:條|条[tiao2]; hip bone; old variant of 腿[tui3] |
| 那些 | nà xiē | those |
| 死 | sǐ | to die; impassable; uncrossable; inflexible; rigid; extremely; damned |
| 不 | bù | no; not so; (bound form) not; un- |
| 狠 | hěn | ruthless; fierce; ferocious; determined; resolute; to harden (one's heart); old variant of 很[hen3] |
| 命 | mǐng | life; order or command |
| 捶 | ||
| 打 | dá | (loanword) dozen; Taiwan pr. [da3] |
| 这 | zhè | (pronoun) this; these; (bound form) this; the (followed by a noun); (bound form) this; these (followed by a classifier) (in this sense, commonly pr. [zhei4], esp. in Beijing) |
| 两 | liǎng | two; both; some; a few; tael, unit of weight equal to 50 grams (modern) or 1⁄16 of a catty 斤[jin1] (old) |
| 条 | tiáo | strip; item; article; clause (of law or treaty); classifier for long thin things (ribbon, river, road, trousers etc) |
| 恨 | hěn | to hate |
| 喊 | hǎn | to yell; to shout; to call out for (a person) |
| 活 | huó | to live; alive; living; work; workmanship |
| 什 | shén | what |
| 么 | má | exclamatory final particle; variant of 麼|么[me5] |
| 劲儿 | jìn r | erhua variant of 勁|劲[jin4] |
| 扑 | pu | to throw oneself at; to devote one's energies; to flutter; to pat |
| 过 | Guō | surname Guo |
| 抓 | zhua | to grab; to arrest; to scratch |
| 住 | zhù | to live; to reside; to stay; to stop; to cease; (result complement indicating firmness or a stable achieved state) |
| 手 | shǒu | hand; (formal) to hold; person engaged in certain types of work; person skilled in certain types of work; personal(ly); convenient; classifier for skill; CL:雙|双[shuang1],隻|只[zhi1] |
| 忍 | rén | to bear; to tolerate |
| 哭 | kū | to cry; to weep |
| 声说 | shēng shuō | to narrate |
| 咱 | zán | variant of 咱[zan2]; see 咱[zan2] |
| 娘 | niáng | mother; young lady; (coll.) effeminate; variant of 娘[niang2] |
| 儿 | ér | child; son |
| 俩 | liǎ | two (colloquial equivalent of 兩個|两个); both; some |
| 一块儿 | yī kuài r | erhua variant of 一塊|一块[yi1 kuai4] |
| 好好儿 | hǎo hāo r | erhua form of 好好[hao3 hao3] |
| 却 | què | old variant of 卻|却[que4]; but; yet; however; while; to go back; to decline; to retreat; nevertheless; even though |
| 一直 | yī zhí | straight (in a straight line); continuously; always; all the way through |
| 都 | Dū | surname Du |
| 不知 | bù zhī | not to know; unaware; unknowingly; fig. not to admit (defeat, hardships, tiredness etc) |
| 道 | dào | road; path (CL:條|条[tiao2],股[gu3]); (bound form) way; reason; principle; (bound form) a skill; an art; a specialization; (Daoism) the Way; the Dao; to say (introducing a direct quot… |
| 病 | bìng | illness; CL:場|场[chang2]; disease; to fall ill; defect |
| 已经 | yǐ jīng | already |
| 到了 | dào liǎo | at last; finally; in the end |
| 那 | Nā | surname Na |
| 步 | Bù | surname Bu |
| 田地 | tián dì | field; farmland; cropland; plight; extent |
| 妹妹 | mèi mei | younger sister; young woman; CL:個|个[ge4] |
| 告 | gào | (bound form) to say; to tell; to announce; to report; to denounce; to file a lawsuit; to sue |
| 诉 | sù | variant of 訴|诉[su4]; to complain; to sue; to tell |
| 常常 | cháng cháng | frequently; often |
| 肝 | ||
| 疼 | téng | (it) hurts; sore; to love dearly |
| 得 | dé | to obtain; to get; to gain; to catch (a disease); proper; suitable; proud; contented; to allow; to permit; ready; finished |
| 整 | zhěng | (bound form) whole; complete; entire; (before a measure word) whole; (before or after number + measure word) exactly; (bound form) in good order; tidy; neat; (bound form) to put in… |
| 宿 | sù | old variant of 宿[su4]; surname Su |
| 翻 | fān | to turn over; to flip over; to overturn; to rummage through; to translate; to decode; to double; to climb over or into; to cross; variant of 翻[fan1] |
| 覆 | fǔ | to cover; to overturn |
| 睡 | shuì | to sleep; to lie down |
| 不了 | bù le | no thanks (used to politely but informally decline) |
| 觉 | jiào | a nap; a sleep; CL:場|场[chang2] |
| 那天 | nà tiān | that day; the other day |
| 独自 | dú zì | alone |
| 坐 | Zuò | surname Zuo |
| 屋 | wū | (bound form) house; (bound form) room |
| 里 | lǐ | variant of 裡|里[li3]; lining; interior; inside; internal; also written 裏|里[li3]; surname Li |
| 窗 | chuāng | old variant of 窗[chuang1]; variant of 窗[chuang1]; window; CL:扇[shan4] |
| 外 | wài | outside; in addition; foreign; external |
| 树叶 | shù yè | tree leaves |
| 唰 | ||
| 啦 | lā | (onom.) sound of singing, cheering etc; (phonetic); (dialect) to chat |
| 飘落 | piāo luò | to float down; to fall gently (snowflakes, leaves etc) |
| 挡 | dáng | to resist; to hinder; to block (a blow); cover |
| 前 | qián | front; forward; ahead; first; top (followed by a number); future; ago; before; BC (e.g. 前293年); former; formerly |
| 菊花 | jú huā | chrysanthemum; (TCM) chrysanthemum flower; (slang) anus |
| 看看 | kàn kan | to take a look at; to examine; to survey; (coll.) pretty soon |
| 吧 | bā | bar (loanword) (serving drinks, or providing Internet access etc); to puff (on a pipe etc); (onom.) bang; abbr. for 貼吧|贴吧[tie1 ba1] |
| 脸 | liǎn | face; CL:張|张[zhang1],個|个[ge4] |
| 上 | shǎng | used in 上聲|上声[shang3 sheng1] |
| 现 | xiàn | to appear; present; now; existing; current |
| 出 | chū | to go out; to come out; to arise; to occur; to produce; to yield; to go beyond; to exceed; (used after a verb to indicate an outward direction or a positive result); classifier for…; variant of 出[chu1] (classifier for plays or chapters of classical novels) |
| 般 | bān | sort; kind; class; way; manner |
| 神色 | shén sè | expression; look |
| 时 | shí | old variant of 時|时[shi2]; surname Shi |
| 候 | hòu | to wait; to inquire after; to watch; season; climate; (old) period of five days |
| 要是 | yào shi | (coll.) if |
| 愿 | yuàn | honest and prudent; variant of 願|愿[yuan4]; (bound form) wish; hope; desire; to be willing; to wish (that sth may happen); may ...; vow; pledge |
| 意 | yì | (bound form) idea; thought; meaning; sense; (bound form) intention; feeling; inclination; state of mind; (bound form) Italy (abbr. for 意大利[Yi4 da4 li4]) |
| 明天 | míng tiān | tomorrow |
| 回答 | huí dá | to reply; to answer; reply; answer |
| 让 | ràng | to yield; to permit; to let sb do sth; to have sb do sth; to make sb (feel sad etc); by (indicates the agent in a passive clause, like 被[bei4]) |
| 好 | hǎo | good; appropriate; proper; all right!; (before a verb) easy to; (before a verb) good to; (before an adjective for exclamatory effect) so; (verb complement indicating completion); (… |
| 高兴 | gāo xìng | happy; glad; willing (to do sth); in a cheerful mood |
| 一会儿 | yī huì r | a moment; a while; in a moment; now...now...; also pr. [yi1 hui3 r5] |
| 坐下 | zuò xia | to sit down |
| 站起 | zhàn qǐ | to get up on hind legs (esp. of horse); to stand; to spring up |
| 赶 | gǎn | to overtake; to catch up with; to hurry; to rush; to try to catch (the bus etc); to drive (cattle etc) forward; to drive (sb) away; to avail oneself of (an opportunity); until; by … |
| 紧 | jǐn | tight; strict; close at hand; near; urgent; tense; hard up; short of money; to tighten |
| 准备 | zhǔn bèi | preparation; to prepare; to intend; to be about to; reserve (fund) |
| 哎 | ai | hey! |
| 呀 | yā | ah (used to express surprise); (onom.) creaking |
| 烦 | fán | to feel vexed; to bother; to trouble; superfluous and confusing; edgy |
| 几 | jī | small table; (literary) almost |
| 路 | Lù | surname Lu |
| 有 | yǒu | to have; there is; (bound form) having; with; -ful; -ed; -al (as in 有意[you3 yi4] intentional) |
| 也 | Yě | surname Ye |
| 笑 | xiào | old variant of 笑[xiao4]; to laugh; to smile; to laugh at |
| 身边 | shēn biān | at one's side; on hand |
| 完 | wán | to finish; to be over; whole; complete; entire |
| 们 | men | plural marker for pronouns, and nouns referring to individuals |
| 仿 | fǎng | to imitate; to copy; variant of 仿[fang3] |
| 膳 | ||
| 小时 | xiǎo shí | hour; CL:個|个[ge4] |
| 最 | zuì | variant of 最[zui4]; old variant of 最[zui4]; (before an adjective or verb) to the highest degree; (the) most ...; -est; (after 之[zhi1]) best or most extreme example (e.g. 世界之最[shi4 jie4 zhi1 zui4] "the greatest in the world") |
| 爱 | ài | to love; to be fond of; to like; affection; to be inclined (to do sth); to tend to (happen) |
| 吃 | chī | to eat; to consume; to eat at (a cafeteria etc); to eradicate; to destroy; to absorb; to suffer (shock, injury, defeat etc); variant of 吃[chi1] |
| 那儿 | nà r | there |
| 豌豆 | wān dòu | pea (Pisum sativum) |
| 黄 | Huáng | surname Huang or Hwang |
| 还 | Huán | surname Huan |
| 记得 | jì de | to remember |
| 回 | Huí | Hui ethnic group (Chinese Muslims); to curve; to return; to revolve; variant of 迴|回[hui2] |
| 带 | dài | band; belt; girdle; ribbon; tire; area; zone; region; CL:條|条[tiao2]; to wear; to carry; to take along; to bear (i.e. to have); to lead; to bring; to look after; to raise |
| 吗 | má | (coll.) what? |
| 偏 | pian | to lean; oblique; to deviate from average; stubbornly |
| 杨 | yāng | poplar; surname Yang |
| 树 | shù | tree; CL:棵[ke1]; to cultivate; to set up |
| 毛毛虫 | máo mao chóng | caterpillar |
| 跑 | páo | (of an animal) to paw (the ground) |
| 脚 | jiǎo | foot; leg (of an animal or an object); base (of an object); CL:雙|双[shuang1],隻|只[zhi1]; classifier for kicks |
| 踩 | cái | to step on; to tread; to stamp |
| 扁 | bián | flat; thin; to belittle; to look down on |
| 一个 | yī ge | a; an; one; the whole (afternoon, summer vacation etc) |
| 忽然 | hū rán | suddenly; all of a sudden |
| 对于 | duì yú | regarding; as far as (sth) is concerned; with regard to |
| 和 | hé | old variant of 和[he2]; surname He; (literary) harmonious (variant of 和[he2]) |
| 类 | lěi | kind; type; class; category; (bound form) to resemble; to be similar to |
| 字眼 | zì yǎn | wording |
| 比 | Bǐ | Belgium; Belgian; abbr. for 比利時|比利时[Bi3 li4 shi2] |
| 敏 | mín | (bound form) quick; nimble; agile |
| 感 | gǎn | to feel; to move; to touch; to affect; feeling; emotion; (suffix) sense of ~ |
| 再 | zài | again; once more; re-; further; beyond this point of time; (before an adjective) more; then (after sth, and not until then); no matter how ... (followed by an adjective or verb, an… |
| 没 | méi | (negative prefix for verbs) have not; not |
| 邻居 | lín jū | neighbor |
| 抬 | tái | to lift; to raise; (of two or more persons) to carry; variant of 抬[tai2] |
| 上车 | shàng chē | to get on or into (a bus, train, car etc) |
| 大口 | dà kǒu | big mouthful (of food, drink, smoke etc); open mouth; gulping; gobbling; gaping |
| 吐 | tú | to spit; to say |
| 鲜血 | xiān xuè | blood |
| 没想到 | méi xiǎng dào | didn't expect |
| 成 | Chéng | surname Cheng; short name for Chengdu 成都[Cheng2 du1] |
| 样 | yàng | manner; pattern; way; appearance; shape; classifier: kind, type |
| 三 | Sān | surname San |
| 轮 | lūn | wheel; disk; ring; to take turns; to rotate |
| 车 | Chē | surname Che |
| 远 | yuǎn | far; distant; remote; (intensifier in a comparison) by far; much (lower etc) |
| 绝 | jué | to cut short; extinct; to disappear; to vanish; absolutely; by no means; variant of 絕|绝[jue2] |
| 没有 | méi yǒu | haven't; hasn't; doesn't exist; to not have; to not be |
| 想到 | xiǎng dào | to think of; to call to mind; to anticipate |
| 竟 | jǐng | unexpectedly; to go so far as to |
| 永远 | yǒng yuǎn | forever; eternal |
| 小 | xiǎo | small; tiny; few; young |
| 伙 | huó | (bound form) meals (as in 伙食[huo3 shi2]) |
| 子 | zǐ | son; child; seed; egg; small thing; 1st earthly branch: 11 p.m.–1 a.m., midnight, 11th solar month (7th December to 5th January), year of the rat; viscount, fourth of five orders o… |
| 背 | běi | the back; behind (bei4); to recite from memory (bei4); to carry on the back (bei1) |
| 我去 | wǒ qù | (slang) what the ...!; oh my god!; that's insane! |
| 正 | zhēng | first month of the lunar year |
| 艰难 | jiān nán | difficult; arduous; hard |
| 呼 | hu | to call; to shout; to exhale |
| 吸 | xi | to breathe; to absorb |
| 像 | xiàng | to resemble; to be like; to look as if; such as; appearance; image; portrait; image under a mapping (math.) |
| 一生 | yī shēng | all one's life; throughout one's life |
| 生 | shēng | to grow; to give birth; to produce; to be born; to arise; to occur; to light (a fire); to live; to be alive; life; raw; uncooked; unprocessed; unfamiliar; strange; (bound form) stu… |
| 别人 | bié ren | other people; others; other person |
| 一句话 | yī jù huà | in a word; in short |
| 那个 | nà ge | that one; that thing; that (as opposed to this); (used before a verb or adjective for emphasis); (used to humorously or indirectly refer to sth embarrassing, funny etc, or when one… |
| 有病 | yǒu bìng | to be ill; (coll.) to be not right in the head |
| 儿子 | ér zi | son |
| 未成年 | wèi chéng nián | underage |
| 女儿 | nu:3 ér | daughter |
| 秋天 | qīu tiān | autumn; CL:個|个[ge4] |
| 黄色 | huáng sè | yellow; vulgar; lewd; pornographic |
| 淡 | dǎn | insipid; weak; light in color; indifferent |
| 雅 | yǎ | elegant |
| 白色 | bái sè | white; fig. reactionary; anti-communist |
| 高 | Gāo | surname Gao |
| 洁 | jiē | clean |
| 紫红色 | zǐ hóng sè | red-purple; mauve; prune (color); claret |
| 热 | rè | to warm up; to heat up; hot (of weather); heat; fervent |
| 烈 | liě | ardent; fierce; upright; exploits |
| 而 | ér | and; as well as; and so; but (not); yet (not); (indicates causal relation); (indicates change of state); (indicates contrast) |
| 深 | shēn | old variant of 深[shen1]; (lit. and fig.) deep |
| 泼 | po | to splash; rough and coarse |
| 洒 | sá | to sprinkle; to spill |
| 秋 | Qīu | surname Qiu; old variant of 秋[qiu1]; used in 鞦韆|秋千[qiu1 qian1] |
| 风 | fēng | wind; news; style; custom; manner; CL:陣|阵[zhen4],絲|丝[si1] |
| 中正 | Zhōng zhèng | adopted name of Chiang Kai-shek 蔣介石|蒋介石[Jiang3 Jie4 shi2] |
| 烂 | lǎn | soft; mushy; to rot; to decompose; worn out; utterly; thoroughly |
| 漫 | mǎn | free; to inundate |
| 懂 | dǒng | to understand; to comprehend |
| 的话 | de huà | if (coming after a conditional clause) |
| 要好 | yào hǎo | to be on good terms; to be close friends; striving for self-improvement |
After my legs became paralyzed, my temper grew violently unpredictable. Gazing and gazing at the formations of wild geese flying north in the sky, I would suddenly smash the glass in front of me; listening and listening to Li Guyi’s sweet singing, I would abruptly hurl the things at hand against the surrounding walls. Mother would quietly slip away, secretly listening to my movements from a place where I couldn’t see her. When everything returned to silence, she would softly come back in, her eyes rimmed red, looking at me. “I heard the flowers at Beihai have all bloomed. Let me push you out for a walk.” She always said this. Mother loved flowers, but ever since my legs became paralyzed, all the flowers she tended had died. “No, I won’t go!” I fiercely pounded these two hateful legs, shouting, “What’s the point of my even living!” Mother rushed over and grabbed my hands, holding back her sobs as she said: “Let’s mother and son live well together, live well, live well…”
But I never knew that her illness had already reached that stage. Later my sister told me that she often suffered such liver pain that she would toss and turn all night long, unable to sleep.
That day I was again sitting alone in the room, watching the leaves outside the window drift down with a “rustling” sound. Mother came in and stood blocking the window: “The chrysanthemums at Beihai have bloomed. Let me push you out to see them.” On her haggard face appeared a pleading expression. “When?” “If you’re willing, how about tomorrow?” she said. My answer had already filled her with delight beyond expectation. “Alright, tomorrow then,” I said. She was so happy that she sat down one moment and stood up the next: “Then let’s hurry and get ready.” “Oh, aren’t you being annoying? It’s just a few steps away, what’s there to prepare!” She laughed too, sat down beside me, and chattered on and on: “After we see the chrysanthemums, let’s go to ‘Fangshan Restaurant.’ When you were little you loved their pea-flour cake the most. Remember that time I took you to Beihai? You insisted the poplar flowers were caterpillars, running around, stomping one flat with each step…” She suddenly stopped talking. About words like ‘run’ and ‘stomp,’ she was even more sensitive than I was. She quietly went out again.
She went out, and never came back.
When the neighbors carried her onto the vehicle, she was still vomiting mouthfuls of fresh blood. I never imagined she had become so ill. Watching the three-wheeled cart go off into the distance, I absolutely never imagined that this would be an eternal farewell.
When the neighbor’s young man carried me on his back to see her, she was breathing with difficulty, just like her difficult life. Others told me that her last words before falling unconscious were: “My sick son and my not-yet-grown daughter…”
It was autumn again, and my sister pushed me to Beihai to see the chrysanthemums. The yellow flowers were elegant, the white flowers pure and noble, the purple-red flowers passionate and profound, spilling and scattering everywhere, blooming brilliantly in the autumn wind. I understood the words my mother never finished saying. My sister understood too. The two of us together, we must live well…