This not-too-dirty-but-not-really-clean joke comes from a great blog on the Sina blog network, the Chinese equivalent of Blogger. The joke is about a woman whose new parrot can’t seem to stop saying one particular come-hither phrase. The phrase so embarrasses the woman that she tries to take action, but her plan doesn’t quite work out the way she wanted.
话说某位女士一时兴起，买了一只母鹦鹉。没想到带回家里，它说的第一句话就是: “想跟我上床吗？”
女士一听，心想: 坏了，外人还以为这话是我教的呢，这不把我的淑女形象全给毁了。于是她想尽办法，想教那只鹦鹉说些高雅的东西，可是那只母鹦鹉算是铁了心了，只会说一句话: “想跟我上床吗？”
…… 怎么办呢？在那位女士失去主张的时候，听说神父那儿也养了一只鹦鹉（公的），而且那只鹦鹉，不但不讲粗话，反而是个虔诚的教徒，每天大部分时间里都在祷告。于是那位女士去找神父求助。神父明白她的来意之后，面色微难的说:“这个，很难办呀，其实那只鹦鹉，也并没有刻意的教它什么，它之所以这么虔诚，也可能是长期在此受熏陶的缘故吧。”
神父见女士很失落，便说道: “这样吧，你把那只鹦鹉带到我这里来，我把它们放在一起。希望经过一段时间，你那只鹦鹉能够被感化。我只能做这些了，有没有效果，就看神的旨意了……”
女士一听，也只能这样了，不是有句话叫: 近朱者赤吗？试试吧。于是她把鹦鹉带到神父那里。神父依照诺言把两只鹦鹉放在了一起。开始母鹦鹉还有些拘谨，看那只公鹦鹉在笼子的一角，默默的祷告，还真不忍心打扰。可是她还是管不住自己，终于朗声说道:“想跟我上床吗？“
公鹦鹉听到这话，停止了祷告，转身看了看母鹦鹉，忽然泪如雨下: “感谢上帝，我祷告这么多年的愿望终于实现了……”
Hover a word for its pinyin & meaning; click to pin it.
| Word | Pinyin | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 话说 | huà shuō | It is said that ... (at the start of a narrative); to discuss; to recount |
| 某 | mǒu | some; a certain; sb or sth indefinite; such-and-such |
| 位 | wèi | position; location; place; seat; classifier for people (honorific); classifier for binary bits (e.g. 十六位 16-bit or 2 bytes); (physics) potential |
| 女士 | nu:3 shì | lady; madam; CL:個|个[ge4],位[wei4]; Miss; Ms |
| 一时 | yī shí | a period of time; a while; for a short while; temporary; momentary; at the same time |
| 兴起 | xīng qǐ | to rise; to spring up; to burgeon; to be aroused; to come into vogue |
| 买 | mǎi | to buy; to purchase |
| 了 | le | (completed action marker); (modal particle indicating change of state, situation now); (modal particle intensifying preceding clause); (bound form) clear in one's mind; to understand clearly |
| 一 | yī | one; single; a (article); as soon as; entire; whole; all; throughout; "one" radical in Chinese characters (Kangxi radical 1); also pr. [yao1] for greater clarity when spelling out … |
| 只 | zhī | variant of 隻|只[zhi1]; variant of 只[zhi3]; grain that has begun to ripen; classifier for birds and certain animals, one of a pair, some utensils, vessels etc |
| 母 | mǔ | mother; elderly female relative; origin; source; (of animals) female |
| 鹦 | ying | (bound form) parrot |
| 鹉 | wú | used in 鸚鵡|鹦鹉[ying1 wu3] |
| 没想到 | méi xiǎng dào | didn't expect |
| 带回 | dài huí | to bring back; to take back with one |
| 家里 | jiā lǐ | home |
| 它 | tā | it; it (pronoun for an animal) |
| 说 | shuì | to persuade; variant of 說|说[shuo1] |
| 的 | de | of; ~'s (possessive particle); (used after an attribute when it modifies a noun); (used at the end of a declarative sentence for emphasis); (used after a noun, verb or adjective to… |
| 第 | dì | (prefix indicating ordinal number, as in 第六[di4 liu4] "sixth"); (literary) grades in which successful candidates in the imperial examinations were placed; (old) residence of a high… |
| 一句话 | yī jù huà | in a word; in short |
| 就是 | jìu shì | exactly; precisely; only; simply; just; (used correlatively with 也[ye3]) even; even if |
| 想 | xiǎng | to think (about); to think of; to devise; to think (that); to believe (that); to desire; to want (to); to miss (feel wistful about the absence of) |
| 跟 | gēn | heel; to follow closely; to go with; (of a woman) to marry sb; with; compared with; to; towards; and (joining two nouns) |
| 我 | wǒ | I; me; my |
| 上床 | shàng chuáng | to go to bed; (coll.) to have sex |
| 吗 | má | (coll.) what? |
| 听 | yǐn | smile (archaic); to listen to; to hear; to heed; to obey; a can (loanword from English "tin"); classifier for canned beverages; to let be; to allow (Taiwan pr. [ting4]); (literary) to administer; t… |
| 心想 | xīn xiǎng | to think to oneself; to think |
| 坏了 | huài le | shoot!; gosh!; oh, no!; (suffix) to the utmost |
| 外人 | wài rén | outsider; foreigner; stranger |
| 还 | Huán | surname Huan |
| 以为 | yǐ wéi | to think; to believe (often with the implication that the belief is mistaken – unless referring to one's own current belief) |
| 这 | zhè | (pronoun) this; these; (bound form) this; the (followed by a noun); (bound form) this; these (followed by a classifier) (in this sense, commonly pr. [zhei4], esp. in Beijing) |
| 话 | huà | dialect; language; spoken words; speech; talk; words; conversation; what sb said; CL:種|种[zhong3],席[xi2],句[ju4],口[kou3],番[fan1]; old variant of 話|话[hua4] |
| 是 | shì | to be (followed by substantives only); correct; right; true; (respectful acknowledgement of a command) very well; (adverb for emphatic assertion); variant of 是[shi4] |
| 教 | Jiào | surname Jiao |
| 呢 | ne | (sentence-final particle) used in questions to link back to prior discourse or context ("what about...?", "and...?"); (sentence-final particle) indicating that a state or situation… |
| 这不 | zhè bu | (coll.) As a matter of fact, ... (used to introduce evidence for what one has just asserted) |
| 把 | bǎ | to hold; to grasp; to hold a baby in position to help it urinate or defecate; handlebar; classifier: handful, bundle, bunch; classifier for things with handles; (used to put the ob… |
| 淑 | ||
| 女 | nu:3 | female; woman; daughter |
| 形象 | xíng xiàng | image; form; figure; CL:個|个[ge4]; visualization; vivid |
| 全 | Quán | surname Quan |
| 给 | gěi | to; for; for the benefit of; to give; to allow; to do sth (for sb); (grammatical equivalent of 被); (grammatical equivalent of 把); (sentence intensifier) |
| 毁 | huǐ | to destroy; to ruin; to defame; to slander; to destroy by fire; variant of 毀|毁[hui3]; to defame; to slander |
| 于是 | yú shì | thereupon; as a result; consequently; thus; hence |
| 她 | tā | she |
| 尽 | jǐn | to the greatest extent; (when used before a noun of location) furthest or extreme; to be within the limits of; to give priority to; to use up; to exhaust; to end; to finish; to the utmost; exhausted; finished; to the limit (of sth); all; entirely |
| 办 | bàn | to take care of (a matter); to deal with (a task, procedure etc); to organize (an event); to establish; to set up; to manage; to run (an enterprise); (law) to handle; to investigat… |
| 法 | fǎ | variant of 法[fa3]; France; French; abbr. for 法國|法国[Fa3 guo2]; Taiwan pr. [Fa4]; old variant of 法[fa3]; law |
| 那 | Nā | surname Na |
| 些 | xiē | classifier indicating a small amount or small number greater than 1: some, a few, several |
| 高雅 | gāo yǎ | dainty; elegance; elegant |
| 东 | Dōng | surname Dong |
| 西 | Xī | the West; abbr. for Spain 西班牙[Xi1 ban1 ya2]; Spanish |
| 可是 | kě shì | but; however; (used for emphasis) indeed |
| 算 | suàn | to calculate; to figure out; to include; to count in; to count; to be valid; to carry weight; to regard as; to consider (to be ...) |
| 铁了心 | tiě le xīn | determined; unshakable |
| 会 | huì | can; to have the skill; to know how to; to be likely to; to be sure to; to meet; to get together; meeting; gathering; (suffix) union; group; association; (bound form) a moment (Tai… |
| 怎 | zěn | how |
| 么 | má | exclamatory final particle; variant of 麼|么[me5] |
| 在 | zài | to exist; to be alive; (of sb or sth) to be (located) at; (used before a verb to indicate an action in progress) |
| 失 | shī | to lose; to miss; to fail |
| 去 | qù | to go; to go to (a place); (of a time etc) last; just passed; to send; to remove; to get rid of; to reduce; to be apart from in space or time; to die (euphemism); to play (a part);… |
| 主张 | zhǔ zhāng | to advocate; to stand for; view; position; stand; proposition; viewpoint; assertion; CL:個|个[ge4] |
| 时 | shí | old variant of 時|时[shi2]; surname Shi |
| 候 | hòu | to wait; to inquire after; to watch; season; climate; (old) period of five days |
| 听说 | tīng shuō | to hear (sth said); one hears (that); hearsay; listening and speaking |
| 神父 | shén fu | Catholic or Orthodox priest; Father (title of address) |
| 那儿 | nà r | there |
| 也 | Yě | surname Ye |
| 养 | yǎng | to raise (animals); to bring up (children); to keep (pets); to support; to give birth |
| 公 | gōng | public; collectively owned; common; international (e.g. high seas, metric system, calendar); make public; fair; just; Duke, highest of five orders of nobility 五等爵位[wu3 deng3 jue2 w… |
| 而 | ér | and; as well as; and so; but (not); yet (not); (indicates causal relation); (indicates change of state); (indicates contrast) |
| 且 | qiě | and; moreover; yet; for the time being; to be about to; both (... and...) |
| 不 | bù | no; not so; (bound form) not; un- |
| 但 | dàn | but; yet; however; still; merely; only; just |
| 讲 | jiǎng | to speak; to explain; to negotiate; to emphasize; to be particular about; as far as sth is concerned; speech; lecture |
| 粗话 | cū huà | vulgar language; coarse language |
| 反而 | fǎn ér | on the contrary; instead |
| 个 | gě | used in 自個兒|自个儿[zi4 ge3 r5]; variant of 個|个[ge4] |
| 虔 | ||
| 诚 | chēng | (bound form) sincere; authentic |
| 徒 | tū | disciple; apprentice; follower; on foot; in vain; only |
| 每天 | měi tiān | every day |
| 大部分 | dà bù fen | the greater part; the majority; most; Taiwan pr. [da4bu4fen4] |
| 时间 | shí jiān | (concept of) time; (duration of) time; (point in) time |
| 里 | lǐ | variant of 裡|里[li3]; lining; interior; inside; internal; also written 裏|里[li3]; surname Li |
| 都 | Dū | surname Du |
| 祷告 | dǎo gào | to pray; prayer |
| 找 | zhǎo | to try to find; to look for; to call on sb; to find; to seek; to return; to give change |
| 求 | qíu | to seek; to look for; to request; to demand; to beseech |
| 助 | zhù | to help; to assist |
| 明白 | míng bai | clear; obvious; unequivocal; sensible; reasonable; to understand; to realize |
| 来 | lái | to come; (used as a substitute for a more specific verb); hither (directional complement for motion toward the speaker, as in 回來|回来[hui2 lai5]); ever since (as in 自古以來|自古以来[zi4 gu3… |
| 意 | yì | (bound form) idea; thought; meaning; sense; (bound form) intention; feeling; inclination; state of mind; (bound form) Italy (abbr. for 意大利[Yi4 da4 li4]) |
| 之 | zhī | (possessive particle, literary equivalent of 的[de5]); him; her; it |
| 后 | Hòu | surname Hou; back; behind; rear; afterwards; after; later; post- |
| 面色 | miàn sè | complexion |
| 微 | Wēi | surname Wei; ancient Chinese state near present-day Chongqing; Taiwan pr. [Wei2] |
| 难 | nán | difficult (to...); problem; difficulty; difficult; not good |
| 这个 | zhè ge | (pronoun) this; (adjective) this |
| 很 | hěn | very; quite; (also, often used before an adjective without intensifying its meaning, i.e. as a meaningless syntactic element) |
| 呀 | yā | ah (used to express surprise); (onom.) creaking |
| 其实 | qí shí | actually; in fact; really |
| 并 | bìng | and; furthermore; also; together with; (not) at all; simultaneously; to combine; to join; to merge; to combine; to amalgamate; short name for Taiyuan 太原[Tai4 yuan2]; variant of 並|并[bing4] |
| 没有 | méi yǒu | haven't; hasn't; doesn't exist; to not have; to not be |
| 刻意 | kè yì | intentionally; deliberately; purposely; painstakingly; meticulously |
| 什 | shén | what |
| 之所以 | zhī suǒ yǐ | (after a noun N and before a predicate P) the reason why N P; Example: 我之所以討厭他|我之所以讨厌他[wo3 zhi1 suo3 yi3 tao3 yan4 ta1] "the reason why I dislike him (is ...)" |
| 这么 | zhè me | so much; this much; how much?; this way; like this |
| 可 | kě | (prefix) can; may; able to; -able; to approve; to permit; to suit; (particle used for emphasis) certainly; very; but; however |
| 能 | Néng | surname Neng |
| 长期 | cháng qī | long-term; for a protracted period |
| 此 | cǐ | this; these |
| 受 | shòu | to receive; to accept; to suffer; subjected to; to bear; to stand; pleasant; (passive marker); (LGBT) bottom |
| 熏 | xun | to smoke; to assail the nostrils |
| 陶 | Táo | surname Tao |
| 缘 | yuān | cause; karma; predestined affinity; hem; along |
| 故 | gù | happening; instance; reason; cause; intentional; former; old; friend; therefore; hence; (of people) to die, dead |
| 吧 | bā | bar (loanword) (serving drinks, or providing Internet access etc); to puff (on a pipe etc); (onom.) bang; abbr. for 貼吧|贴吧[tie1 ba1] |
| 见 | jiàn | to see; to meet; to appear (to be sth); to interview; opinion; view |
| 落 | là | to leave out; to be missing; to leave behind or forget to bring; to lag or fall behind |
| 便 | biàn | plain; informal; suitable; convenient; opportune; to urinate or defecate; equivalent to 就[jiu4]: then; in that case; even if; soon afterwards |
| 说道 | shuō dào | to state; to say (the quoted words) |
| 样 | yàng | manner; pattern; way; appearance; shape; classifier: kind, type |
| 你 | nǐ | you (informal, as opposed to courteous 您[nin2]); you (Note: In Taiwan, 妳 is used to address females, but in mainland China, it is not commonly used. Instead, 你 is used to address both males and females.) |
| 带 | dài | band; belt; girdle; ribbon; tire; area; zone; region; CL:條|条[tiao2]; to wear; to carry; to take along; to bear (i.e. to have); to lead; to bring; to look after; to raise |
| 到 | dào | to reach; to arrive; to leave for; to go to; to (a place); until (a time); up to (a point); (verb complement indicating arriving at a place or reaching a point); considerate; thoug… |
| 这里 | zhè lǐ | variant of 這裡|这里[zhe4 li3] |
| 们 | men | plural marker for pronouns, and nouns referring to individuals |
| 放 | fàng | to put; to place; to release; to free; to let go; to let out; to set off (fireworks) |
| 一起 | yī qǐ | (in) the same place; together; in company (with); altogether; in total; an instance of; a case of (murder, accident, dispute etc) |
| 希 | xī | to hope; to admire; variant of 稀[xi1] |
| 望 | wàng | full moon; to hope; to expect; to visit; to gaze (into the distance); to look towards; towards; 15th day of month (lunar calendar); old variant of 望[wang4] |
| 经过 | jīng guò | to pass; to go through; process; course; CL:個|个[ge4] |
| 段 | Duàn | surname Duan |
| 够 | gòu | enough (sufficient); enough (too much); (coll.) (before adj.) really; (coll.) to reach by stretching out |
| 被 | bèi | quilt; to cover (with); (literary) to suffer (a misfortune); used to indicate passive voice (placed before the doer of the action like "by" in English passive-voice sentences, or, … |
| 感 | gǎn | to feel; to move; to touch; to affect; feeling; emotion; (suffix) sense of ~ |
| 化 | huā | variant of 花[hua1] |
| 做 | zuò | to make; to produce; to write; to compose; to do; to engage in; to hold (a party etc); (of a person) to be (an intermediary, a good student etc); to become (husband and wife, frien… |
| 这些 | zhè xiē | these |
| 有没有 | yǒu méi yǒu | (before a noun) Do (you, they etc) have ...?; Is there a ...?; (before a verb) Did (you, they etc) (verb, infinitive)?; Have (you, they etc) (verb, past participle)? |
| 效 | xiào | variant of 傚|效[xiao4]; to imitate (variant of 效[xiao4]); variant of 效[xiao4]; effect; efficacy; to imitate |
| 果 | guǒ | fruit; result; resolute; indeed; if really |
| 就 | jìu | (after a suppositional clause) in that case; then; (after a clause of action) as soon as; immediately after; (same as 就是[jiu4 shi4]) merely; nothing else but; simply; just; precise… |
| 看 | kān | to look after; to take care of; to watch; to guard |
| 神 | Shén | God |
| 旨 | zhǐ | imperial decree; purport; aim; purpose |
| 不是 | bù shì | no; is not; not |
| 有 | yǒu | to have; there is; (bound form) having; with; -ful; -ed; -al (as in 有意[you3 yi4] intentional) |
| 句 | gōu | variant of 勾[gou1] |
| 叫 | jiào | to shout; to call; to order; to ask; to be called; by (indicates agent in the passive mood); variant of 叫[jiao4] |
| 近 | jìn | near; close to; approximately |
| 朱 | Zhū | surname Zhu; (bound form) cinnabar |
| 者 | zhě | (after a verb or adjective) one who (is) ...; (after a noun) person involved in ...; -er; -ist; (used after a number or 後|后[hou4] or 前[qian2] to refer to sth mentioned previously);… |
| 赤 | chì | red; scarlet; bare; naked |
| 试 | shì | to test; to try; experiment; examination; test |
| 那里 | nà li | there; that place |
| 依 | yi | to depend on; according to |
| 照 | zhào | variant of 照[zhao4]; to shine; to illuminate; according to; in accordance with; to shine; to illuminate; to reflect; to look at (one's reflection); to take (a photo); photo; as requested; as before |
| 诺 | nuǒ | to consent; (literary) yes! |
| 言 | yán | words; speech; to say; to talk |
| 两 | liǎng | two; both; some; a few; tael, unit of weight equal to 50 grams (modern) or 1⁄16 of a catty 斤[jin1] (old) |
| 开始 | kāi shǐ | to begin; to start; beginning; start |
| 还有 | hái yǒu | there still remain(s); there is (or are) still; in addition |
| 拘 | ju | to capture; to constrain; inflexible |
| 谨 | jín | cautious; solemnly |
| 笼子 | lóng zi | cage; basket; container |
| 角 | Jué | surname Jue |
| 默默 | mò mò | in silence; not speaking |
| 真 | zhēn | really; truly; indeed; real; true; genuine |
| 忍 | rén | to bear; to tolerate |
| 心 | xīn | heart; mind; intention; center; core; CL:顆|颗[ke1],個|个[ge4] |
| 打 | dá | (loanword) dozen; Taiwan pr. [da3] |
| 扰 | ráo | to disturb |
| 还是 | hái shi | still (as before); had better; unexpectedly; or |
| 管 | guǎn | variant of 管[guan3]; surname Guan |
| 住 | zhù | to live; to reside; to stay; to stop; to cease; (result complement indicating firmness or a stable achieved state) |
| 自己 | zì jǐ | oneself; (attributive) one's own |
| 终 | zhong | end |
| 于 | Yú | surname Yu; (of time or place) in; at; on; (indicating any indirect relation) to; toward; vis-à-vis; with regard to; for; (indicating a source) from; out of; (used in comparison) than; (used i… |
| 朗 | lǎng | clear; bright |
| 声说 | shēng shuō | to narrate |
| 道 | dào | road; path (CL:條|条[tiao2],股[gu3]); (bound form) way; reason; principle; (bound form) a skill; an art; a specialization; (Daoism) the Way; the Dao; to say (introducing a direct quot… |
| 听到 | tīng dào | to hear |
| 停 | tíng | to stop; to halt; to park (a car) |
| 止 | zhǐ | to stop; to prohibit; until; only |
| 转身 | zhuǎn shēn | (of a person) to turn round; to face about; (of a widow) to remarry (archaic) |
| 忽然 | hū rán | suddenly; all of a sudden |
| 泪 | lěi | (bound form) tears; teardrops |
| 如 | rú | as; as if; such as |
| 雨 | yǔ | rain; CL:陣|阵[zhen4],場|场[chang2] |
| 下 | xià | down; downwards; below; lower; later; next (week etc); second (of two parts); to decline; to go down; to arrive at (a decision, conclusion etc); measure word to show the frequency … |
| 谢 | Xiè | surname Xie |
| 上 | shǎng | used in 上聲|上声[shang3 sheng1] |
| 帝 | dǐ | (bound form) emperor; sovereign; supreme deity |
| 多年 | duō nián | many years; for many years; longstanding |
| 愿 | yuàn | honest and prudent; variant of 願|愿[yuan4]; (bound form) wish; hope; desire; to be willing; to wish (that sth may happen); may ...; vow; pledge |
| 实现 | shí xiàn | to achieve; to implement; to realize; to bring about |
There once was a woman who bought a female parrot. But little did she know, when she brought the parrot home she found it could only say one sentence: “Will you sleep with me?”
As soon as the woman heard this, she thought: “Oh no! If anyone else hears the parrot speak they’ll think I taught the parrot to say that, it’ll destroy my reputation as a virtuous woman.” By way of a solution, she thought maybe she could teach the parrot to say something dainty instead, but it seemed the parrot had a heart of iron, it would only say one thing, “Will you sleep with me?”
What was she to do? Just when she had about given up, she heard of a priest who also owned a parrot (a male one), and moreover his parrot not only didn’t say vulgar things, it was actually a devout disciple; it spent most of its time in prayer. So the women went to see the priest. When the priest understood the woman’s reason for coming, he said a little sadly, “This is a hard problem to solve. In actual fact, I didn’t teach my parrot anything, maybe the reason it’s like that is because it’s spent a long time in this [church] environment.”
The priest saw the woman’s disappointment, so he said, “How about this: bring your parrot here to me, I’ll put it with my own. We can hope that after a little while, your parrot will be correctively influenced by mine. This is all I can do, whether it will work or not is up to God…”
The woman listened [to his suggestions], and [also thought] that this was her only option, after all, isn’t there a saying: “Proximity to red will turn you red”? She figured she might as well try it. So the woman brought her parrot to the priest. The priest honored his promise and put the two birds together. At first, the female parrot was a little cautious, seeing the male bird over in one corner of the cage, silently praying, she didn’t have the heart to disturb him. But [after a while] she couldn’t help herself, and finaly said, “Will you sleep with me?”
The male parrot heard her say this, stopped praying, turned around and looked at her, and suddenly with tears streaming down its face said, “Thank you God, the thing I’ve prayed for all of these long years has finally happened…”